Breathe through it

I can't believe it's just past eight o'clock and already nearly dark outside. Summer is slipping by so quickly and in just a few weeks we will welcome autumn. After a torrid weekend, today Seattle has reminded us of it's weather preference: clouds and rain. But curiously I'm ready for fall this year. Apple cider, pumpkin spice lattes, caramel everything, tall boots, and sweaters have me piqued and anticipating the equinox.


A recent visit with my chiropractor left a profound impact on my spirit. I've mentioned my ups and downs and instability. I'm generally not one who has turned to alternative medicine, but throughout my journey with cancer I've adapted the attitude that it certainly can't hurt, and come to discover that it can certainly provide a type of healing that modern medicine cannot. I've been seeing my chiropractor once or twice a week to help with the debilitating neck pain I've had as a result of muscle spasms from scar tissue. We tried a lot of different modalities of treatment, and now my pain is almost completely resolved. This doctor uses a holistic approach, including applied kinesiology. During one appointment he did a test that revealed a deep psychological link to my neck pain. And he offered me the following advice: to breathe. To allow my emotions and fears to come, and breathe through them, whether they are blissful or unnerving.


He asked me to visualize myself in the happiest place possible, full and radiant and healthy. And then breathe. I closed my eyes and immediately saw myself dancing. I was leaping and pirouetting and jete-ing across a stage, more virile than ever before. But just as easily as that image came, I was suddenly the dying swan - staggering, falling, collapsing. I shook the image from my head. This time came the vision of myself on my wedding day, enrobed in white tulle, full of joy and anticipation on what will be the happiest day of my life. And then seconds later, as I saw myself dancing in my new husband's arms, I was gently fading, shrinking, collapsing into those arms. Breathe in, breathe out. 


I never imagined how hard it would be to hold an image of health and vibrance in my head. The practice of breathing through the difficult stuff is of course not new to me: it is what we practice in yoga. Every movement is about controlled breathing, controlled thought, and focus. When we are in an uncomfortable pose we breathe through it. We use that pose to learn how to get through the discomfort, to find the good in every moment. And we use our breath to help us through. 


So though it may seem like rather simple advice, I've found it a great help to me. When I feel a dark thought or fear creep into my mind, I let it be there, and I breathe through it, and get comfortable in it, and find serenity in that moment. And in no time at all it's gone, and the next joyful hope is upon me. And I breathe through it, too.


Don't forget to breathe.

Portland

Greetings loves,

The past few weeks have been astonishingly busy. We just got home from an inspiring weekend in Portland where I had the privilege of attending the Vida Vegan Conference. I'm utterly exhausted from a jam-packed weekend of learning, networking, and best of all, eating. The conference was for vegan bloggers, and I had a marvelous time attending lectures, panels, and workshops on everything vegan and writing. You know you're with a bunch of bloggers when you sit down for lunch and everybody whips out their camera to take 20 photos of their food before eating. Even though the focus of many of the classes was food blogging, I also came away with improved writing skills and tips on vegan living. Perhaps someday I'll venture into food blogging.

The most enlivening part of my weekend was meeting a woman who has inspired me very much over the past few years, Colleen Patrick-Goudreau. She was engaging to talk with and gave a speech that certainly moved every person in the room. She signed her new book, The 30 Day Vegan Challenge, for me, and I can't recommend it highly enough if you're looking for a challenge in your life, or maybe to improve your health, or are just curious what it's all about. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to spend a weekend surrounded by a couple hundred of the most compassionate people...people who get it - who feel the same as I do - to whom I don't need to explain myself. 

I hadn't been in Portland in nearly a year, I think. It shocks me to realize that I've now lived in Seattle for just as long as I had lived in Portland for. Of course not much has changed in the two years since I've moved away, but it still felt a bit foreign to be there. The city seemed so much smaller than I remembered, and yet just as vibrant as ever. Perhaps a small part of me misses it, but I was also so pleased to see the Seattle skyline as we returned home. Seattle really is home now.

I'll leave you with a prayer for humans, on behalf of animals.

xoxo,

Lisa

Cancer

What a ride my life has been these past couple of weeks. My hormone levels have been all over the place. One day I'm feeling great and energized, the next I worry I might burst into tears for no reason or struggle to make it out of bed. I was wondering if it was just me, but after connecting with a lot of other thyroid cancer survivors on the thyca survivors' message boards, as well as talking with one of my own patients who has had a total thyroidectomy, I learned that this is what happens. It has to do with the way your body metabolizes your meds, and it seems that everyone I've communicated with has the same problem. The solution is only to make the very best of every moment that we can. As I try to do every day.


Our family was stunned by some shocking news last week. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. After a year full of bad enough news, you begin to think that nothing else could possibly go wrong. Indeed, this was the very last thing I expected to hear. But cancer doesn't care how old you are, or who you are, or if your family has had more than it's share of devastation for one year.


While it hurts and burns to know that someone I love dearly has to go through what I've experienced, it is also in some way like I've got someone who understands my journey more clearly than any non cancer survivor could. The fear & shock with the initial diagnosis. The feeling of knowledge of a poison living inside your body. The want to get it out, to make it go away. The impression of complete loss of control over your life.


And I know what he'll be feeling as his journey continues. The longing for your pre-cancer life back. The fear at every sniffle or bump...is it cancer? Soon everything will look like poison. Did that toothpaste cause my cancer? My coffee? Lotion? The utter yet indescribable appreciation for every moment spent surrounded by the ones you love, or for life's small but overwhelmingly beautiful moments. Not that people without cancer can't experience those emotions. But cancer gives you a new perspective no matter who you were before.


If you take anything from this post, please let it be to live your life according to your beliefs. Live passionately and with joy. Give yourself the best chance at a full life as you can: eat organic, exercise, and be healthy. And make the choice to truly live.

Summer

bonjour... 


the Pacific Northwest has been romancing me with it's delicious sunshine...and it's hard not to be madly in love with life and everything surrounding it. Our weekend included the cruise in the San Juans aboard the lovely sailing vessel Anam Cara, and a round trip flight to Friday Harbor in a private plane, courtesy of my papa. Both from the air and on the water it was an easy reminder just what a beautiful place I am fortunate enough to reside in. 


Fueled by raw nourishment, I've been spending lots of time in yoga and zumba, while trying to make as much time for friends as possible and still working extra shifts to make up for all of the time I've missed at work. 


A picture from our stop in Roche Harbor...

xoxo,


Lisa Rose

Sunshine!

Hi loves! It's a gorgeous, sunny week here in Seattle. What an amazing effect the sunshine has on everyone's moods. In fact, I'm blogging from my balcony right now. My body is feeling almost "normal" at last. I had my TSH tested and it was 0.07. Right on target! This means they got my dose of Levoxyl correct the first time. I've heard that some people don't tolerate being this "hyper," but I haven't had any of the symptoms such as tremors, insomnia, or heart palpitations. But now that I think about it, I really should check my blood pressure just to be sure. 


I've been maximizing my time off from treatment. I went to visit my mom, aunt, and grandma for a few days when I could escape from work, and it was a fabulous time. We all have the same sense of humor, so we can just sit around and laugh and laugh. This weekend Jesse and I are going cruising with my dad and Scott in the San Juans on a J/122, Anam Cara. 


While it's easy to pretend everything is normal again and try to forget about having cancer, I can't. It's always there, in the back of my mind. And I guess that's a space of my mind that I'm going to have to learn to share, because cancer isn't vacating it any time soon. Even when the docs will tell me I'm in remission, even when they tell me I'm cured, the small worry will always be there, and those memories will never go away. And although I'm living up my summer, waiting and seeing just isn't as easy as it sounds. September seems lightyears away, and yet also like it's looming over me like a deadline tomorrow. 


I just came across the blog Everything Changes in my daily research and reading. The author seems to see right into my life! I can't wait to read her book. 


For now, I'll keep reminding myself of my favorite quote from the Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor, Kris Carr, 

"I got news for ya, life is a terminal condition; cancer patients are just more aware of it. The real question is how many of us will choose to truly live."

me driving Anam Cara in the San Juans, July 2009

Balance

Hello! It's been a fabulous weekend here, including yachting, celebrating my friend Jamie's bachelorette party, and my friend Amanda's birthday. I was telling my girlfriends that it finally feels like life is starting to get back to normal. Now that I have a couple of months without treatment, and my body is starting to normalize and my energy is coming back, I will sometimes realize that I haven't even thought about cancer in the past two hours.


In the past week I've been trying to focus on balance. I went from obsessing about trying to eat as healthy & raw as possible, to splurging on the 4th of July weekend and eating mostly just veggie dogs & veggie burgers. While still vegan and certainly much healthier than their dead-animal counterparts, they are not exactly the whole-food, raw diet I strive for. That weekend left me craving for a big bowl full of leafy green salad! And now I know that I need a balance of healthy foods, but not to the point of obsession. Although, this week will probably lean more towards the fun, splurging side instead of the healthy side, because Thursday is Jamie's wedding! I'd better do a lot of yoga tomorrow to balance it out :)


xoxo,


Lisa

Joy

Good morning,

It's a gorgeous long weekend here in Seattle! We've already been taking advantage of it with great friends and a BBQ and wine on our balcony last night. There is an air of festivity here in Seattle; I think everyone is so excited to finally have a summer on the horizon.

Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with Dr. Failor, my endocrinologist at the Cancer Care Alliance. I was so nervous going into the appointment, dreading more bad news, but really there was not any news. It was more of an appointment to establish care, as I'd never met him before, and review our plan, since he will be managing my care from here on out. He reviewed my bloodwork and our goals. My thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels should be at 0.01 and my thyroglobulin (Tg) should be 0 (or <0.02, which is the lowest the test can read).

Thyroid stimulating hormone is produced by the pituitary and does exactly what it sounds like. In a normal person it should be around 0.5-2.5, although those numbers vary a lot depending on whom you talk to. Some say a level of 5 is normal, while a nurse practitioner I worked with before aimed to have every patient at 1.0. Because this value is the hormone that stimulates the thyroid, and not the actual thyroid levels, it is inversely proportional to the thyroid levels. For example, if your TSH is 7, you are considered hypothyroid (and experiencing the beginning of all the fun symptoms I just had. My TSH was 58 when last checked). If it is 0.2, you are considered hyperthyroid. The goal for my treatment is to keep my TSH at 0.1. Although it is considered hyperthyroid, it is done to suppress the thyroid stimulating hormone - we don't want it stimulating any thyroid cancer cells!

So this summer will involve a lot of lab work to determine if my TSH is at the appropriate level and adjusting of my levothyroxine dose. We'll also be monitoring my Tg level, hoping that post-RAI it comes down, showing that the ablation was effective at destroying those evil cancer cells. And as planned, I'll have my ultrasound in September. This means my next doctors appointment isn't until September 19! Blood draws are easy because I can have them done right in the office I work at, and my medication dose can be adjusted over the phone. I'm excited that when I look at my calendar for the upcoming months, the only appointments I see are for pedicures and massages :) Just kidding, I'll still be seeing my naturopath, but she only gives me good news and has a much more flexible schedule so I don't have to take more time off work.

Happy 4th everyone! Please consider not blasting off firecrackers - they terrify animals, including my Z dog. Wishing you all lots of sunshine.

xoxo,

Lisa