Marriage

Hi, loves! I just got home after a massage to ease my knotted neck muscles that have been torturing me for the past week. My massage therapist worked her magic and I feel better already. 


I have some more amazing news... I got to marry the love of my life on April 5, barefoot on the beach at Las Caletas, Mexico. It was the most perfect, stress-free, intimate ceremony I could ever have imagined. The wedding planner took care of everything and all we had to do was show up for the boat ride to our beach. Coral rose petals scattered the aisle that I walked down. I wore two white lilies in my hair, and carried a bouquet of the roses and lilies. During the ceremony Jesse and I surprised each other with our vows we wrote ourselves. Our dearest friend, Jamie, came with us and filmed the special day. We had a professional photographer as well, and it will take about a month to get our photos back. I can't wait to get them and share them. We will have a reception in Friday Harbor in September to celebrate with our friends and family.


Our return home has been full of joy as we share the news with everyone. I'm so excited to get to call Jesse my husband and become a family. I'm also grateful to have him by my side as we go through this next phase of cancer treatment. 


I met with my surgeon yesterday and we have scheduled my surgery for April 30th. It seems so soon, but I guess that means I can move on with life that much sooner. He sent me to get a CT scan after my appointment yesterday to make sure that there aren't any other tumors he'll need to take out during the surgery. I felt like an old pro during the IV insertion and scan. I can tell you exactly which vein to use; I know exactly when to swallow (or not) and when to hold my breath (or breathe).


Recovery from surgery last year wasn't too bad. I was very tired for the first few weeks but the pain was manageable. The fear I have is of the risks of operating on the precious area that is my neck - around the life source, my carotid; around the voice box, my larynx; around my calcium regulators, my parathyroids. And I have flashbacks to coming out of surgery last year and the panicky feeling of not being able to breathe as the oxygen mask was pushed onto my face (for some reason my oxygen saturation was dropping) and the nurse who kept yelling at me not to cross my legs or I would get a blood clot (but the position I was in was very uncomfortable for my back!) and not being able to see anything because my glasses were with my family (I'm rather blind without my contacts in!). But this time around I'll know what to expect and try to remember to remain calm through my first moments of waking up. On the bright side, my surgeon promised to fix my scar with this surgery because it hasn't healed very well in the front. He also was very reassuring that he operates around the carotid all the time, which made me feel enormously better. 


I also returned home to a stack of 8 hospital bills. Now that it's a new year, it means a new deductible (and out-of-pocket limit) to reach. It's frustrating that it starts all over again. When I start my new job in July I will have much better insurance, but putting off treatment until then is not an option. The tumor isn't going to go away on it's own. I really, really appreciate the financial help I received from you donors last year, and anyone who wishes to donate again, it would be very much appreciated. I hate asking for help, but it's overwhelming right now to see how fast the treatment cost adds up, and how enormously expensive each procedure is. 


Much love to all of my friends and family... I can't wait to share my wedding photos with you.


xoxo,


Lisa

Results

Sorry it has taken me a few days before I could write this, I had a lot of processing to do and also I've been busy getting ready to go to Mexico!


My biopsy came back positive for more cancer. Like I mentioned in my last post, this means more surgery, another radioactive iodine scan, and possibly more radioactive iodine treatment. I'm disappointed and frustrated but I'm trying to remain positive. We knew that the recurrence rate for this type of cancer was high, and my thyroglobulin never got below 0.9 so we knew that there was always some cancer remaining in my body. However, I know I can get through this all again with the incredible support system I have!


I have a consult set up with my surgeon at Virginia Mason on April 17. He is only in on Tuesdays and since I'll be in Mexico for the next two Tuesdays and I'm not about to change my vacation, I'll wait until the following Tuesday. This is the same surgeon who did my thyroidectomy and dissection last year, and I really trust him.


The biopsy was a terrible experience because the tumor is behind my carotid artery and they couldn't figure out how they were going to get to it. I was lying on their table, all prepped, while the doctors argued about how to get around the carotid and to the tumor. They had to decide the route they were going to take before they gave me my IV sedation. The attending warned that if they hit the jugular they could probably stop the bleeding, but it would be bad if they hit my carotid. I nearly jumped off the table and said to forget the biopsy - I would rather not bleed out on their table! But I had an IV in my arm and decided I'd rather just get this over with and trust that with ultrasound guidance they would be able to pass by the artery. They were considering aborting the procedure and asked me accusingly who authorized the biopsy. I was livid because they had the ultrasound report and could see for themselves what they were here to do but obviously they hadn't read it before prepping me. Finally they were able to put enough pressure on my neck to separate the veins and get to the tumor, and at last gave me my IV sedation, and the procedure was over before I knew it and I was safely on my way to recovery.


Knowing the challenge they had in getting to the tumor with the biopsy makes me nervous for the surgery, but I really trust my surgeon. After my consult I will know more about what to expect and schedule my surgery date. 


Now, off to Puerto Vallarta for some sunshine and relaxation, and all the margaritas I can drink! I'll be back on the 11th.


xoxo,


Lisa

So much news

Hello my loves, Where to begin? So much has happened in the last weeks. There was my birthday, which was filled with so much love and celebrating. A weekend spent in Portland on a vegan food tour. My one year cancer-versary came and went without too much emotion. A beautiful ring and a proposal from Jesse which makes him now my fiancé. He is the one that has been there with me through every doctor's visit, hospital stay, and treatment, by my side through every vulnerable moment. I can't wait to be his wife. The proposal was followed by wedding dress shopping, every girl's dream come true! And a date set, a venue booked. There's a new job in the works...the doctor I work with and I are leaving the clinic we are at to join a urology group. New beginnings are so exciting and I have much to look forward to this year. I will sorely miss the ladies I work with now who have been so supportive throughout my experiences this past year and have taught me so much about nursing. But I look forward to all that I will learn in this new group. 


There was also an ultrasound. Unfortunately it didn't come back as hoped. There is a new mass in my neck, behind my carotid artery on the right. Tomorrow I will be having a biopsy. If it is indeed more cancer, I will need surgery again (it is too big to treat solely with radiation). Then another radioactive iodine scan, and if still positive, then another radioactive iodine treatment. But I am staying confident that it will turn out to be nothing...and if it doesn't, I know I have a phenomenal support system around me to get me through it all again. I've been struggling to sleep because of the high doses of thyroid hormone I'm on to suppress cancer growth. Tomorrow will just be a little nap...I'll wake up minus a few cells, and then patiently await my pathology results. It will take a few days but I will post an update as soon as I know. 


It's hard to stay down about the pending results when I have so much goodness and possibilities in my life right now. In just over a week Jesse and I are going to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, for 8 days in the sunshine. It couldn't come at a better time. 


Now, off to the Seattle VegFest for sampling of all the newest vegan products and listening to some great speakers talk about the health benefits of plant-based diets! I appreciate all your positive thoughts tomorrow.


xoxo,


Lisa

Thyroglobulin

Hello and happy Monday! I'm one of those rare people who loves Mondays - because I get the day off work! I work four ten's and I honestly think it's the perfect schedule. Having a weekday off to get errands done and have some "Lisa" time is so helpful for my sanity.

A couple weeks ago I had my blood drawn to check my thyroglobulin (Tg) level. Like I've mentioned before, this is the tumor marker used for thyroid cancer. The goal is zero (no evidence of cancer). It takes a while to get the results back because they have to ship the blood across the country to the lab. As you can imagine, it isn't cheap - but necessary. Last time, in September, my level was 1.1. Now, nearly five months later, it is 0.9. The good news is it hasn't gone up. But the idea of some cancer cells still residing in me, waiting to multiply out of control whenever they wish, torments me. So I will continue with my healthy living and hope that my body keeps them in check - and fights them ferociously! 

Next month will bring more scans and follow up visits. Next month will also bring something else - something that I'm not sure I should celebrate or mourn. My one year cancer-versary. I was diagnosed on March 18, 2011. This year went by so fast, and while I won't call cancer a blessing, I will be thankful that it has brought me so much closer to some of my friends and has inspired me to write, to drink green juice, and to surround myself with people and things that I love. So, perhaps I should celebrate my first year of living (or as some people say, thriving) with cancer.

Alright my loves, Happy Valentines Day tomorrow. Calories don't count tomorrow (just like birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving!), so spoil yourself with chocolate and conversation hearts! Or flowers - those really don't have calories.

via

xoxo,

Lisa

I'm back!

You might have noticed that my blog was down for a while. I started having second thoughts about having so many personal experiences out there on the web for all to see. I'm sure that most bloggers experience these feelings sometimes. But then I remembered why I started my blog: to keep my loved ones updated. And then it morphed into something bigger - I wanted to share my story with all - to inspire people. And this is who I am. I know that anyone who reads this will only get to know me better. This is the real me!


I am sitting outside in the sun as I write...without a coat on! These sunny winter days are a rarity in Seattle, but oh how they lift the spirit. During our snowpocalypse a few weeks ago I was so desperate for some sunshine that I was surfing the web for some last minute tickets to the OC, but unfortunately they were over $500 each way. I probably would have walked to SeaTac just to get out of here, had they been in my price range. It wasn't the snow that I needed to escape; actually, the snow was fun for a few days. But I wanted to see the sunshine! Preferably from a California beach! For now I will enjoy the Seattle sunshine and dream of a tropical vacay.


The last few months have been full of amazing time during the holidays with family, busy hours at work, and beautiful moments with friends that have proven how much the relationships have grown. We are still struggling to get my thyroid medication at the right dose. Every 6 weeks I get a blood draw and my dose changed. Being kept so hyper is not fun. Night sweats, moodiness, hot flashes - you'd think I was going through menopause! I will learn to adapt and thrive, though, because this is my new normal!


I had a bit of a scare a couple of weeks ago. I woke up with the right side of my face all swollen and a large lump deep in my cheek. It is on the right side, the same side that my tumor was on. My PCP got me in the same day and after a quit exam she informed me that it was actually my salivary gland! The glands can get clogged and even develop a stone. The radioactive iodine is absorbed by the salivary glands, resulting in a permanent dry mouth post treatment. The cure? Hopefully it will go away on its own. Otherwise the ENT surgeons can do a small surgery where they insert a little catheter to allow it to drain.


I regretfully didn't make it to the gym much during the holiday season. But I have renewed my commitment to healthy living and green juice is my new coffee; yoga class is my new Saturday morning routine. But while I can tell my stamina and flexibility suffered from my exercise hiatus, the plus side is that after the break now my workout classes seem so fun and fresh. Green juice tastes better than coffee, and salads are what I crave. Maybe a short break is good for us sometimes.

green juice on a sunny morning

In other good news, I have signed up as crew for a Portland regatta aboard Anam Cara at the end of February. I realized how desperately I missed sailing, even if the thought of shivering on a boat doesn't seem very appealing; I know once I get out there I will be back in love with the sport that I have devoted so much of my past to.


Some things that I love, have always loved, that I want to commit to doing more of: sailing, dancing, reading books, learning, playing my flute & piano.


And off to play in the sunshine....


xoxo,


Lisa

Waiting

I'm writing from Swedish Hospital as my dad is undergoing his prostate cancer surgery. I've spent a lot of time in hospitals this year, but this is my first time this year as the family member instead of the patient or nurse. It's been a long day but there are many more hours of waiting before it will be over. I've been having a great time in the kitchen, veganizing French recipes and putting my slow cookers to work, but although my food is healthful, I could tell my body was in need of a little detox. So this week I've decided to do a raw food cleanse. I did a raw diet in the weeks that I had to be off of my thyroid hormone in prep for my radiation, and my body felt great despite the effects of hypothyroidism. After my treatment, though, I suffered from nausea and couldn't stomach raw foods for quite some time. After I recovered from that I never tried going raw again. I started on Saturday, and already on day 3 I feel much less bloated, happier, and more energetic! My friend, Cherl, requested that I document my raw week to give everyone an idea of what delicious things I'm eating! I can't upload the pictures now because I'm on my iPad and my blogger app isn't working, but they are on my Facebook page and I'll upload them here when I get a chance. I can't see myself going 100% raw all the time, but I think aiming for a high raw diet is something that will make my body and soul the happiest. And, I don't have to worry about burning my food :) xoxo, Lisa

50/50

Greetings!

Fall is creeping in slowly here in Seattle, the leaves teasing me with kisses of crimson and tangerine, sudden wind storms that leave the lake in a froth, and pumpkins adorning every store window. But today is sweet and sunny and barely even cool, as if she is tempting me with a mild season ahead. With boots, a scarf, and a sweater today, I'm prepared for anything.

I haven't felt like writing much lately, so I haven't. But today I couldn't wait to sit down and let the words come. I can't explain why. I feel like my thyroid hormone levels have balanced, and I find myself giggling uncontrollably at least once a day (my old self is back!). I can concentrate, I can make it through a day without wanting to eat every ten minutes. My heart is full and my body feels healthy.

Have you seen the movie 50/50? I can't recommend it enough. Bring your tissues and don't plan on trying to throw a party later in the day. But even if the film is somber, it will leave you with new gratitude and new interpretation of a cancer patient's journey. Based on a true story, the film is about a twenty-seven year old man (Seattleite!) who is diagnosed with cancer and a 50% chance of survival (hence the name). So many scenes in the movie hit close to home for both Jesse and I.... when the doctor is talking but it doesn't sound like anything is coming out of his mouth...trying to tell your friends and family...the struggle that the friends and family go through. Even the tantrums.

I can't say enough to all of you how thankful I am for your support & love that never ends. I always appreciate it and this film made me appreciate it ever more.