Waiting

I'm writing from Swedish Hospital as my dad is undergoing his prostate cancer surgery. I've spent a lot of time in hospitals this year, but this is my first time this year as the family member instead of the patient or nurse. It's been a long day but there are many more hours of waiting before it will be over. I've been having a great time in the kitchen, veganizing French recipes and putting my slow cookers to work, but although my food is healthful, I could tell my body was in need of a little detox. So this week I've decided to do a raw food cleanse. I did a raw diet in the weeks that I had to be off of my thyroid hormone in prep for my radiation, and my body felt great despite the effects of hypothyroidism. After my treatment, though, I suffered from nausea and couldn't stomach raw foods for quite some time. After I recovered from that I never tried going raw again. I started on Saturday, and already on day 3 I feel much less bloated, happier, and more energetic! My friend, Cherl, requested that I document my raw week to give everyone an idea of what delicious things I'm eating! I can't upload the pictures now because I'm on my iPad and my blogger app isn't working, but they are on my Facebook page and I'll upload them here when I get a chance. I can't see myself going 100% raw all the time, but I think aiming for a high raw diet is something that will make my body and soul the happiest. And, I don't have to worry about burning my food :) xoxo, Lisa

50/50

Greetings!

Fall is creeping in slowly here in Seattle, the leaves teasing me with kisses of crimson and tangerine, sudden wind storms that leave the lake in a froth, and pumpkins adorning every store window. But today is sweet and sunny and barely even cool, as if she is tempting me with a mild season ahead. With boots, a scarf, and a sweater today, I'm prepared for anything.

I haven't felt like writing much lately, so I haven't. But today I couldn't wait to sit down and let the words come. I can't explain why. I feel like my thyroid hormone levels have balanced, and I find myself giggling uncontrollably at least once a day (my old self is back!). I can concentrate, I can make it through a day without wanting to eat every ten minutes. My heart is full and my body feels healthy.

Have you seen the movie 50/50? I can't recommend it enough. Bring your tissues and don't plan on trying to throw a party later in the day. But even if the film is somber, it will leave you with new gratitude and new interpretation of a cancer patient's journey. Based on a true story, the film is about a twenty-seven year old man (Seattleite!) who is diagnosed with cancer and a 50% chance of survival (hence the name). So many scenes in the movie hit close to home for both Jesse and I.... when the doctor is talking but it doesn't sound like anything is coming out of his mouth...trying to tell your friends and family...the struggle that the friends and family go through. Even the tantrums.

I can't say enough to all of you how thankful I am for your support & love that never ends. I always appreciate it and this film made me appreciate it ever more.

Results

First, let me begin by apologizing for my long absence from blogging. Life has been full of fun & wonderful activities with family & friends, like a trip to Southern California in my dad's plane, kayaking in our new boats, concert-going and salsa dancing.

And now for the much-anticipated results: my scan looked good! My thyroglobulin level was 1.1 (0 = no evidence of cancer), but since it's headed in the right direction and the radiation takes a full six months to work we are hoping that in three months from now it will be 0! It is such a relief to at last have some good news. My doctor was shocked by how good the results were this soon, and I honestly believe that my focus on diet and healing has a lot to do with the impressive amount of cancer fighting that has occurred in my body.

My TSH level was 0.01, and although I need to be hyperthyroid for suppression, the goal is 0.1. We lowered my hormone dose and I was feeling better already within a week. It's much easier to think and function. And only a few months ago my TSH was over 60... Now I know both how it feels to be extremely hypo- and hyperthyroid. There is not much point in longing to be normal again since I know it can't happen, but I'll appreciate feeling less hyper than I have been once my thyroid levels go down.

So for now the plan is to recheck my blood levels in three months, and if they are good then I can wait until the spring for my next scan. I'll have an ultrasound as well as a radioactive iodine scan (yuck!). I'll have to have those frequently because of the high rate of recurrence with this type of cancer. But in the meantime, I've got three more months of playtime before worrying about the next test!

Happy Autumn!

xoxo,

Lisa

Water

I have been craving water the last few days...not to drink, but to be in. Waking up yesterday the first thing I wanted was a long bubble bath, and today all I desired was a long swim in the lake (which ended up being floating and treading), followed by a very long shower that I couldn't make myself get out of. 


My dreams the last two nights have been all about water: first, on Friday night, dreaming that the lake was flooding and we had to get inland. We were scrambling to put all of our belongings in waterproof bags, and collecting the dog as we zoomed away from the flood. Then last night my dreams were of everyday occurrings yet it all took place in the water. Not in the sense of drowning, just that we were in calm, still water. 


I did a quick online search to find some dream interpretation sites, and found that dreaming of flooding can indicate repressed emotions that are overwhelming me, or that certain worries will soon be swept away. According to dreammoods.com,

"To see water in your dream symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation."

I'm not sure how to translate all that to my life, but it does seem interesting that water is such a focus for me at the moment. Any thoughts? 


Tomorrow we are off to Leavenworth to float the river. Zeus even gets to come because they have special tubes just for dogs!


xoxo,


Lisa

Scan date

Wishing you all the most lovely long weekend. We were planning to go camping and sailing on Orcas Island, but instead elected to stay home since we've been gone the last few weekends. We live at the beach, and what better place to spend the long weekend than the beach! My plans are simply to lounge about reading good books and daydream and perhaps swim in the refreshing water of Lake Washington. But of course I should do those boring things like chores and laundry as well. 


Yesterday brought some news of which I have mixed feelings: my scan has been moved up to this Wednesday (!) and my follow-up appointment with my endocrinologist to Friday. I've been blissfully enjoying these months between scans, with the September 19th scan date looming over me like a ferocious deadline. And now that scan will be much sooner than anticipated. While I stew in my worry and apprehension, part of me is relieved to know the results sooner. Also, my insurance will be changing as of October 1st and knowing what to expect in the next year as far as healthcare costs will help me to select the right plan for me. I assure you that cancer patients know every little nook and cranny of their insurance plans. It's dizzying to sort through it all. I spent some good time with a calculator this week figuring out what plan would be most beneficial. 


Last year when I had to choose which plan to be on I selected the high-deductible HSA because I only went to the doctor but once a year for my annual check-up. Why on Earth would I have considered spending a small fortune each month for a lower deductible plan? Little did I know that there were poisonous cells multiplying out of control in my neck. But it turns out that with all of my treatment this plan has actually worked in my favor - after reaching my out of pocket limit (which is still sky-high), my insurance covered everything at 100%. My $60,000 radioactive iodine treatment at an out-of-network hospital? Covered completely, no questions asked. Thank Buddha. If I had selected the lower deductible PPO plan, I would have had to pay high copays for every doctor visit, scan, and day in the hospital, even after reaching my out-of-pocket limit. It's sad when you care more about the out-of-pocket limit than the deductible when selecting your insurance plan.


That said, I am so very grateful to have health insurance, and a job that pays for it. Healthcare is staggeringly expensive, and even if you think you're the healthiest person on the planet, you never know what could happen to you tomorrow. As someone who works in healthcare, I see how little we are reimbursed for the services we provide, yet insurance keeps getting more and more expensive. What is the answer to affordable healthcare? I wish I knew the whole answer to that question, but I have an inkling that it begins with some huge lifestyle changes for a large percentage of the population. 


I think prevention will get our society a long, long way. I have a lot of faith in people, and I truly believe that with proper education people would be willing to make some changes. But I know how rare it is for a doctor to be honest and frank with their patients. It's rare for a doctor to say, "look, you need to lose weight, and this is how you're going to do it." 


I highly recommend the film Forks Over Knives. It is an eye-opening documentary about health and diet. You think a plant-based diet is extreme? Well, what do you think about doctors sawing open your chest to perform a bypass graft because your arteries are clogged from all the cholesterol in your diet? Is that not more extreme? 


Okay, I'll stop ranting now and get back to daydreaming in the sunshine! May you all have a perfect weekend full of adventures, relaxation, and learning. I'll keep you updated as soon as I know my scan results, which probably won't be until after my appointment with Dr. Failor on Friday afternoon.


xoxo,


Lisa

Breathe through it

I can't believe it's just past eight o'clock and already nearly dark outside. Summer is slipping by so quickly and in just a few weeks we will welcome autumn. After a torrid weekend, today Seattle has reminded us of it's weather preference: clouds and rain. But curiously I'm ready for fall this year. Apple cider, pumpkin spice lattes, caramel everything, tall boots, and sweaters have me piqued and anticipating the equinox.


A recent visit with my chiropractor left a profound impact on my spirit. I've mentioned my ups and downs and instability. I'm generally not one who has turned to alternative medicine, but throughout my journey with cancer I've adapted the attitude that it certainly can't hurt, and come to discover that it can certainly provide a type of healing that modern medicine cannot. I've been seeing my chiropractor once or twice a week to help with the debilitating neck pain I've had as a result of muscle spasms from scar tissue. We tried a lot of different modalities of treatment, and now my pain is almost completely resolved. This doctor uses a holistic approach, including applied kinesiology. During one appointment he did a test that revealed a deep psychological link to my neck pain. And he offered me the following advice: to breathe. To allow my emotions and fears to come, and breathe through them, whether they are blissful or unnerving.


He asked me to visualize myself in the happiest place possible, full and radiant and healthy. And then breathe. I closed my eyes and immediately saw myself dancing. I was leaping and pirouetting and jete-ing across a stage, more virile than ever before. But just as easily as that image came, I was suddenly the dying swan - staggering, falling, collapsing. I shook the image from my head. This time came the vision of myself on my wedding day, enrobed in white tulle, full of joy and anticipation on what will be the happiest day of my life. And then seconds later, as I saw myself dancing in my new husband's arms, I was gently fading, shrinking, collapsing into those arms. Breathe in, breathe out. 


I never imagined how hard it would be to hold an image of health and vibrance in my head. The practice of breathing through the difficult stuff is of course not new to me: it is what we practice in yoga. Every movement is about controlled breathing, controlled thought, and focus. When we are in an uncomfortable pose we breathe through it. We use that pose to learn how to get through the discomfort, to find the good in every moment. And we use our breath to help us through. 


So though it may seem like rather simple advice, I've found it a great help to me. When I feel a dark thought or fear creep into my mind, I let it be there, and I breathe through it, and get comfortable in it, and find serenity in that moment. And in no time at all it's gone, and the next joyful hope is upon me. And I breathe through it, too.


Don't forget to breathe.

Portland

Greetings loves,

The past few weeks have been astonishingly busy. We just got home from an inspiring weekend in Portland where I had the privilege of attending the Vida Vegan Conference. I'm utterly exhausted from a jam-packed weekend of learning, networking, and best of all, eating. The conference was for vegan bloggers, and I had a marvelous time attending lectures, panels, and workshops on everything vegan and writing. You know you're with a bunch of bloggers when you sit down for lunch and everybody whips out their camera to take 20 photos of their food before eating. Even though the focus of many of the classes was food blogging, I also came away with improved writing skills and tips on vegan living. Perhaps someday I'll venture into food blogging.

The most enlivening part of my weekend was meeting a woman who has inspired me very much over the past few years, Colleen Patrick-Goudreau. She was engaging to talk with and gave a speech that certainly moved every person in the room. She signed her new book, The 30 Day Vegan Challenge, for me, and I can't recommend it highly enough if you're looking for a challenge in your life, or maybe to improve your health, or are just curious what it's all about. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to spend a weekend surrounded by a couple hundred of the most compassionate people...people who get it - who feel the same as I do - to whom I don't need to explain myself. 

I hadn't been in Portland in nearly a year, I think. It shocks me to realize that I've now lived in Seattle for just as long as I had lived in Portland for. Of course not much has changed in the two years since I've moved away, but it still felt a bit foreign to be there. The city seemed so much smaller than I remembered, and yet just as vibrant as ever. Perhaps a small part of me misses it, but I was also so pleased to see the Seattle skyline as we returned home. Seattle really is home now.

I'll leave you with a prayer for humans, on behalf of animals.

xoxo,

Lisa